Most of us would agree that we don’t want complicated things in our lives. But what if we actually are not in alignment with that desire? If you are overwhelmed, stressed, tired, or if you have more to do things on your list than what you feel you can get done in a day, you are complicating things.
The habit of complicating things is very insidious in an anxious mind and on a Type A/driven personality. It looks like this:
- Managing other people’s lives – including adults – what they need to do, how they need to do it, and when (with a nagging side of this is what will happen if you don’t do it!)
- Having a to-do list that contains things that are NOT important to you
- Overplanning any new change you want to make
- Playing scary movies in your head about what people will say or do in response to your actions.
- Planning for the worst scenario
- Having goals that look like giant leaps instead of manageable steps
- Never asking for help
- Comparing yourself to others
- Going over the list of things you did NOT do at night (GUILT)
If you do these things, you have a case of complicated habits. This is a habitual form of thinking and a way of seeing the world you picked up somewhere, most likely from your family or past education, and it creates an inverted value system. All your energy and attention are externally focused, and your nervous system, emotions, and body are left at a distant third place if that.
You value complication because it keeps you busy. You value keeping busy because a part of you doesn’t want to embrace the REAL IMPORTANT role of HEALING yourself. I call this defending the STATUS QUO (even if it is an oppressing one)
I did these for almost half of my life. Everything was a production in my head. I would calculate the risks of changing my diet (I would suffer, be deprived, people would not support me, I’d miss out on life…), exercising (I won’t like the class, it is too expensive, I won’t have time…) resting (things won’t get done, the house will fall apart, my friends won’t invite me if I say no…). It is no wonder I was tired all the time. Just remembering this makes me tired! I was addicted to complexity.
Complexity is of the ego, says A Course in Miracles. What does this mean? It means that when you go into worry mode, overload your to-do list, don’t ask for help, and, more importantly, makeup stories in your head about WHY you cannot do something that is good for you. The ego is running the show.
But what is the ego? You may ask. It is your lower self, your small mind, the chatter in your head. It is the fear-focused view of your personality. It is not YOU, but you tend to listen to it way too much. The ego complicates things to keep you from doing what is good for you. The ego creates complicated versions of things in your head,d so you don’t have the opportunity to insert CHANGE. The ego likes complexity because it keeps you distracted. In the status quo example, the ego is the poor leadership that has the people convinced that they cannot replace them to have a better life. Bread and circus were the sayings of the Roman Empire. They’d keep the people entertained so they wouldn’t care about their rights or freedom…the option of a better life.
Maybe you are now seeing how your ego has got you tricked by keeping things complicated. If so, I want to help you. Here are three core changes for you:
- Create a NOT TO DO LIST – These are things that you don’t need in your life. Watching more than one hour of TV, using your cell phone/social media for more than 20 minutes a day, surfing the net, doing things others can do for themselves, or saying yes to things you don’t want to do. This list is very powerful, and it will make anyone who takes it seriously re-align with their deepest values. As a result, an immediate sense of ease happens. The process of building this list and helping my clients find their core values is one of my favorite things to do!
- SIMPLIFY routines – These are the things that are done on autopilot. The most transformational of these routines is food. People over-complicate food, and for that reason, they opt for convenience, “food-like substances” that keep them sick, tired, overweight, hormonal, depressed, and more. The food industry did a great job selling you the idea that cooking is hard, so instead of going against this, I actually aligned with my client’s views and gave them fast food! I use organic superfoods to cover the core vegetables, protein, and fruit nutrients for the day. This does two things: 1) It shows them how the body reacts to living foods and motivates them to keep them up. 2) It leaves more time for other mindsets and habit-changing work, such as self-care, morning routines, etc.
- Embrace SYSTEMS. For the scattered-minded individual, this is a miracle! For the Type A person, it is more of a matter of rethinking systems. Most mental fatigue comes from not having a plan or having a complicated plan. This is what they call SOP in business: Standard operating procedures. If you live your life on a whim, stress & anxiety will be inevitable. On the other hand, if you plan it all, life will be so elaborate that it’ll drain you. Systems should free your mind and energies for the things that matter, such as your healing. You could look at the things that are the most time-consuming versus those that you are not doing but must get done for your well-being. Score them based on your deepest values. Take the top 3 and break them down into small steps. Once the system is in place, you must follow it with compassion until it becomes a habit.
Which of these three steps are you ready to follow? Pick the one you are less inclined to do…Yes! You’ve heard me say this…the place of greatest resistance is the place of your greatest healing. If you need help, you can find me here. How is your resistance level reading this? High?! In that case, you are in need of transformation more than anyone else. This may be your medicine for your habitual complications.
Here’s to an uncomplicated life,
Maria Marcano
